Dancing around each other
by sharkinterviewee
Summary: The Soulmate Goose of Enforcement - Soulmate AU where one person finds a goose who leads them to the other person. The difficulty comes in not being mauled by a goose.


"Ah! Amy! Help!" Jake shrieked the moment she answered her phone, not really concerned about volume control since he was kinda trying to not die at the moment. It had gotten through four rings before she finally picked up, and this would've been it for Jake if it'd gone straight to voicemail.

Amy frowned, looking around as if he could see her, but soon brushed it off as her being paranoid. "Jake? What's wrong?"

If it was anyone else calling her, she would have already been freaking out by someone yelling help on the other end of the line, but this was Jake, so she was merely concerned, knowing this call had a 60% chance of being ridiculous. The man counted running out of gummy bears an emergency. Forgive her for being a bit skeptical of this phone call. Besides, the timing was too suspicious. Of all the times to call her out of the blue, he picked right now?

"I've got the goose!" Jake shouted, jumping to dodge another swipe that could only be described as intelligent and intent. "The goose is here! The goose is here!"

He had been trying to get away from it when he stood on top of the dining room chair that had more or less been pushed into the corner of the room, and boy, that was a big mistake. He was panicking, okay? He thought that standing on top of it would keep him safe and out of range. Now he was trapped, and currently being held hostage by a hostile entity that happened to be a goose.

It took Amy a few seconds to process what he was telling her, because really? Today of all days? She thought his random call was suspicious timing. Turns out she was in the clear, because today was the day Jake Peralta got his goose.

Normally she would step outside to take a phone call, but this place was practically deserted, so she didn't feel too bad about talking on the phone in the section she had found herself in. She was using her inside voice- and it's not like she was in a library or anything. Still, she set down the box she was carrying on one of the cheapy gray-ish blue vinyl benches and sat beside it, trying to make herself as unobtrusive as possible as she took this very important phone call.

"You're not supposed to let it corral you," Amy said unhelpfully from the other side of the phone, like Jake didn't know that, like _anyone _didn't know that. It was a different story when you were the one being attacked in your own home first thing in the morning. Everyone knew you weren't supposed to let it corral you, but that was easier said than done.

It was a rampant goose that was supposed to get you to your soulmate, but geese are crazy and don't give a shit, so you were more than likely going to end up at your soulmate's feet bloody and maimed with a hissing beast flapping behind you.

You're pretty much screwed if your goose gets you cornered. Geese aren't logical. They don't care if snapping at you when you're trapped means it'll take longer for you to get to the person you're meant for. You're expecting reason from a beast. A violent, vicious beast.

"That's easy for you to say when you're not being hunted by a goose," Jake pointed out, jumping on the unfortunately wobbly chair, trying to dodge another menacing- peck? Peck seemed too light a word for what it was doing.

Anyways, it didn't work. His shins were prime real estate, and he yelped when the bird hit him with deadly accuracy.

"You know you're not allowed to go to the precinct today," his partner reminded him, again rather unhelpfully.

Amy seemed way too calm for his liking when he was fighting for his life right now. The least she could do was come over and shoot it before he was mauled to death.

Did guns even work on soulmate geese? He didn't know. He was too afraid to find out- he didn't wanna know what a goose with a vengeance looked like if he missed.

Amy was, of course, talking about the precinct's no goose policy. If a member of the NYPD happened to be unfortunate enough to have their soulmate goose show up one morning, they were absolutely prohibited from showing up to work that day. Because geese weren't picky.

Sure, they'd follow their victim and get them to their soulmate eventually, but they would absolutely peck the shit out of anyone within a goose-rage radius, which was very problematic in enclosed work spaces like a police precinct.

That left Jake alone fending off the foul water fowl.

He didn't know how much longer he could last. He had to get out of his apartment. Backed into a corner on a dumb chair with a goose trying to get at him and succeeding (oh god was it succeeding) was not going to end well for him.

He shouldn't have let it corral him.

Geese were way taller than he had any idea of. Who the hell needed a neck that long?

"Hey, maybe if you race over here and blare the sirens, it'll be distracting enough for me to slip by this goose without losing any fingers," _or toes_, he noted, not sure whether or not he should be thankful that the goose had it out for his legs like they had personally wronged it. "Please come help me," he begged, jolting again at another peck and bite combo. He was desperate here. "You don't have to fend it off, even though I would do that for you cause you're my _partner_. You don't have to risk death by goose for little ol me. I just need a distraction."

Amy grimaced. "Sorry, Jake. Today's my day off- I'm in Manhattan with my brother," the excuse just slipped off her tongue with an ease that maybe should have been a bit concerning, but no one had to know but her. "Just try and rush it and get out the door."

"But I'll get bit!"

"You're getting bit now, aren't you?" It was a rhetorical question. From his pained yelps, she estimated the goose had landed at least six direct blow since their conversation started.

"I can't go out now. I'll get arrested for public indecency! This goose didn't wait for me to get dressed this morning." Jake covered the phone with his hand as he leaned down, hissing directly at the goose, "No manners-!"

It snapped at him, and he realized that leaning down to scold a demon goose wasn't the smartest idea if he wanted to keep his movie star good looks. He wanted his nose to stay attached to his face, thank you very much.

Man, he really wished he wore more than boxers to sleep last night. But it was summer, and hot, so excuse him for sleeping comfortably in the privacy of his own goddamn home.

Even a pair of pajama pants meant his legs probably wouldn't have been bleeding at the moment.

Instead, he woke up to this.

Amy shrugged, but it took seeing the action reflected at her in one of the small titled mirrors on the ground for her to realize he couldn't see the gesture. "I don't know what to tell you. It's not gonna end until you get moving. Oh, and maybe don't get in a car," she added, now that she thought of it. "I've heard it can be especially bad being stuck in one with a goose. But hey, look on the bright side-"

"The bright side is staring me down with teeth and monster tongues," Jake said dryly.

She rolled her eyes and barreled right on. "Yeah, but you're going to meet your soulmate today."

Jake blinked. He'd almost forgotten about that aspect. It was kinda hard to think about anything else when you were being attacked by a creature more dinosaur than bird.

"Sorry, I don't think there's anything I can do from here," Amy told him, already out of helpful tips. She still hadn't encountered her soulmate goose yet. She was trying to be happy for him, though. "You're gonna have to figure this out on your own, Pineapples."

Jake had a feeling she was going to say that.

"Okay, just- don't hang up. I'm fucking terrified."

* * *

Jake slammed his bedroom door shut, pushing his whole body weight up against it, heart racing a mile a minute. He didn't think the goose was strong enough to knock down the door, but he locked his legs in place, his back pressed against the door like he was the only thing keeping it shut. His heart was racing a mile a minute as he panted into the phone, fingers curled around it in an iced grip.

"Made it to my bedroom, still have all my toes."

There was a scratching of claws at the door that would've been eerie if it wasn't so frantic and determined. It felt like he was starring in his own psychological horror movie thriller and he did not appreciate that. Not at all.

"What if I just locked the door and stayed in here all day?" He asked, an edge of hysteria creeping into his voice. "Then I'll be safe," he reasoned. "It can't get in here. It can't get me."

"Jake, it's a supernatural goose. It got into your locked apartment with no trouble. I don't think one more door is going to stop it."

Jake groaned. At least locking the door meant he might have enough time to get dressed without dodging beaks and feet. Weaponized feet. If he was lucky.

* * *

There was a hum of commotion outside the store, but Amy paid it no mind. It hadn't even been half an hour since their phone call ended, but of course it was still on her mind.

Sure, she felt a little bad for lying to Jake, but she'd already been here for two hours, and was only slightly closer to making a decision. She had it narrowed down to three options- the same three she'd been staring at for the past 15 minutes. This was going to be perfect- she wouldn't settle for anything less. No way was she ruining her surprise by rushing the choice, not even to hurry out of there to help her partner out of a jam.

While she didn't want to admit it to herself, there was a very small part of her that felt sick at the prospect of having to help Jake track down his soulmate.

What had started out a pleasant day shopping (really, she was just excited about her great idea) was instantly ruined by his phone call. Now there was a lead weight sinking in her stomach, because apparently today was the day.

Amy knew it was selfish. She felt bad enough for it already- Jake was her _partner_, but she couldn't make herself move from the spot when she knew what it would mean.

She couldn't help him when his goose would lead to someone who wasn't her.

She felt _awful_ about it, but that didn't change the fact that she was standing in this Brooklyn store and staring at what she had picked out, just a short drive away from his apartment.

He'd find his soulmate with or without her help. That was how the whole soulmate goose thing worked.

Besides- she was only here right now because of Jake. That's the only reason she was even in this ridiculous store. She rationalized that it was okay for her to do this for Jake right now instead of helping him with his goose, and it was all good.

She still felt terrible about it. And wasn't any closer to making a decision.

* * *

The cashier was just about to swipe her card when the door to the store opened with a clamor (and the faint tingling of the bell from above).

Amy was more than a little surprised when she turned to see a disheveled Jake Peralta stumbling over a display case of shoes, panting and- oh my god, was he bleeding?

His arms were covered in red and pink marks, and she wasn't sure if it was a scrape or a small gash on his forehead, but it looked pretty bad all the same.

Jake haphazardly tried to put some distance between him and the goose that chased him in here, looking over his shoulder and thanking his lucky stars that the glass door seemed to be holding it back for the moment.

He leaned over, hands on his knees, trying to catch his breath. He pulled his hands back when the pain signals from his brain reminded him his knees were still covered in very painful bites.

Amy still couldn't believe her eyes. "Jake? Are you okay?"

He looked up, just as surprised to see her as she was him. "Amy? What are you doing here? This isn't Manhatt-" Jake gasped. "You lied! On the phone! You lied to me!"

He surveyed their surroundings, trying to figure out where they were. He hadn't been paying attention where he was being chased with a demon bird on his heels, but once he took around, he instantly recognized it. He loved this place.

He turned back to Amy, more confused than ever. "And what the hell are you doing in a sneaker store?"

It was an honest question, but she seemed to take it as an accusation.

"What are _you _doing here?" She asked, sounding upset, angry even now that she had snapped out of the gawking she was doing. Like she had anything to be mad about. He was the one who had been lied to- nay, _betrayed _by the person he was supposed to trust most in this world- and Amy just left him to the jaws of the beast. Hung him out to dry.

"I have a goose snapping at my heels!" He pointed toward the door, not noticing that the goose was now gone.

Somehow, that wasn't his main concern anymore. He was much more hung up on the fact that he called her begging for help, and she gave him some made up excuse so she could continue shopping at a store not even five minutes away from his apartment (the goose had chased him around the block a few times- it took awhile to get here).

They'd been partners for what- eight years? She could've just said she was busy, but nope, she straight up lied to him when he was in a life or death situation that animal control couldn't help him out of.

And to be in this store- it was a low blow. How many times had she called his passion (_obsession _was how she usually phrased it) frivolous and immature?

Mostly, it was the lying that bothered him. He was maybe a little worked up from all the running and almost dying he did (if you'd ever been chased by a goose, you would understand why he was convinced his obituary would read water fowl related death, which was so not how _the _Jake Peralta was supposed to go out).

He was in a lot of pain too, though his jeans meant that an employee wouldn't be mopping up blood from the many wounds he'd aggregated as he made his way to where Amy was standing at the counter. At least he wasn't dripping all over the floor.

He was bleeding, with adrenaline pumping through his veins, and his partner had lied to ditch him for a sneaker store, so yes, he felt fully within his right about the chewing out Amy was about to receive.

It was even worse when he got closer. Her eyes widened, filled with concern as she took in his bedraggled appearance. Jake looked like he'd been through a ringer. It wasn't just his normal disheveledness- he was still panting from the run, face flushed, clothing all askew (his shirt even ripped in some places), and his jeans had a few too many of what appeared to be suspiciously fresh blood stains.

Plus, he looked mad. Jake almost never got mad. That enough was cause for concern.

"You lied to me! For a pair of sneakers!" He looked down at the box she was purchasing- a large pair of red, definitely male sneakers. "Those are so not your size."

Amy winced, realizing only too late that she should've covered up her purchase when he started getting closer. She groaned in aggravation- now he knew, and this was all for nothing. "Ugh! Your damn goose ruined my surprise!"

"What surprise?" Jake tried to hold onto his righteous indignation, but he couldn't help the way he perked up at the mention of a surprise. He narrowed his eyes at her, curious but suspicious that maybe she was just trying to distract him from his very deserved anger.

Amy slumped over in defeat, figuring she might as well tell him since it was already ruined.

"You're always going on and on about your damn sneakers," she grumbled, crossing her arms (and making a face that Jake would classify as unfairly cute). "I thought it would be a good birthday present. Of course I lied- I couldn't tell you I've spent way too long trying to decide if you'd like the red sneakers with the stripey thing better, or the orange ones with the yellow curly bits. And that was only after I ruled out the neon pair with the rainbow shoe laces because there's just way too many choices here," she motioned vaguely towards the wall that was covered with what had to be hundreds of display shoes of various colors, styles, brands, and whatever the hell else was supposed to make one shoe different and distinct from the next. She now understood how Jake could spend hours in this store. "I should've just gotten you a gift card. I was planning on doing that too, in case you hated these, but I wanted to get you an actual present too, you know? I couldn't tell you I've been here all morning staring at shoes that look _exactly _the same and trying to decide which one you'd like better for a birthday present." Amy looked like she was about to give up just from recounting her struggle in this god forsaken land of sneakers. "And they do, Jake," she pressed, eyebrows pulling together in distress. "They all look the same. They all look like sneakers."

Jake waited for her to laugh, or say she was joking. But she didn't. Santiago was overwhelmingly earnest and almost distraught, like this sneaker store had broken her.

"Amy, my birthday's in three months," he deadpanned.

She just shrugged in response. "I like to get things done early."

The realization hit them at the same moment- the significance that they'd both glossed over because of confusion, defeat, and feelings. The dawning comprehension on his face was mirrored on hers. Of what this meant.

"Your goose... led you here."

"Yeah," Jake agreed slowly, his speech just as stilted as hers. "It did."

Amy looked around nervously, trying to clock all the people in the store. There was a young couple milling about a few aisles down, a couple stragglers here and there, at least one worker stocking the shelves, and of course, the cashier ringing her up. It truly was a mark of living in New York that- after his initial disruption of clambering into the store and making a mess- no one was even paying attention to them anymore. Except the cashier, since Amy was still technically in the middle of her purchase. All in all, there was seven people in the store, then her and Jake.

A gloom fell over his face at her reaction, misinterpreting it as Amy checking for other people that could be the soulmate his goose was herding him to, because she wasn't pleased with the conclusion that it was possibly leading him to her.

When duh, it was the exact opposite. She wanted to rule out any other option, because this had to be a sure thing before she let herself get excited about it, or really feel the overwhelming relief that was already threatening to bubble up.

"I'm never gonna get my goose!" Amy whooped with an excited cheer. Sure, maybe now wasn't the time to celebrate that since Jake was standing right in front of her after being attacked by a goose, but really, when was the appropriate time to celebrate one would never be attacked by a goose? Cause now felt right.

"Uh, what?"

"This means I'll never have to deal with a soulmate goose!" She grinned at him, because this was very good news (for her, at least). "Cause I already found you. I'll already be with my soulmate, so a goose won't need to show up to chase me to you! I'll never have to be attacked by a soulmate goose! Cause it got you first!" Amy laughed, utterly gleeful, and Jake was conflicted to say the least. Because Amy was laughing and looking so happy, which he loved, but she was also rejoicing in the fact that he got viciously mauled by a goose and celebrating that she'd never have to go through it because it happened to him, and he kinda wanted to be mad at her teasing and laughing at him like this, but his heart was confused, because he thought she was upset, but now she's smiling?

Just then, Jake felt the beak of death clamp around his leg with a vicious honk, and yes, Jake shrieked, and no, he was not proud of that.

The goose let out another terrifying honk before it made a mad dash forward, becoming a blur of feathers barreling towards Amy's legs.

She didn't have time to react before it darted over her feet, biting her knee, hard, almost as if to mark her beyond a shadow of a doubt that yes, the goose was definitely leading him to the human called Amy Santiago.

"Shit," she cursed, her hand automatically going to her freshly bitten knee. She'd heard stories, but god did that hurt.

"You totally deserved that," Jake said.

Amy looked at him aghast, about to shoot something back at him, but there was another predatory honk from behind her that made her jump.

She didn't waste any time hurrying over to Jake, convinced the safest place for her legs to be was right in front of his. She took his hands in hers for good measure (not like she really needed a motivation to hold hands with Jake- she was always looking for an excuse).

"So, you're okay with this?" He asked cautiously, sounding uncharacteristically vulnerable. Still, he interlaced his fingers with hers, almost without noticing himself. Amy did, her heartbeat speeding up at the simple action of entwining their fingers together, like it was meant to be.

"Yeah," she nodded. "I didn't think it was gonna be me." His face fell at that. Her eyes widened when she realized how he took it, and she rushed to clear up the misconception. "No! Like it upset me! Your call ruined my morning, because I thought you'd find your soulmate today and it wouldn't be me. I'm glad it was me. I wanted it to be me. I wanted it to be you," she said, fervently, cupping his cheek, because she needed him to understand.

Jake smiled. "I wanted it to be you too."

They didn't need the prompting of a rabid goose to finally get to kissing, but it certainly helped speed things up a bit.

For a kiss that was partially motivated by fear, it was a damn good one. All of the pain from being hunted by a goddamn bird was worth it the moment Amy pressed her lips to his. He could barely even feel all his wounds when Amy wrapped her arms around his neck, closing the minuscule distance between them, her body flush against his.

Amy could still feel the pain from her one knee bite, with a new sympathy and guilt for being so flippant with her celebration of never having to go through the goose mauling he just went through because holy shit did it hurt. But getting to kiss Jake was a good consolation prize, as far as she was concerned.

They were both grinning at each other like absolute idiots when they finally parted. If they weren't in public, she might have been tempted to go back for more, something a little more intense this time. By the way his eyes kept darting down to her lips and back to her eyes again, he was feeling the same.

"The sneakers are awesome, Amy," he told her with a soft smile, lighting up at the way she absolutely glowed at the praise. "You have good taste."

As if she couldn't smile any wider. She found she was okay with her birthday surprise being ruined- just this once.

"Yeah," she murmured, fingers trailing at the back of his neck. "I think so too."

* * *

**AN: My final fic for this gift exchange!  
So the story is- I first discovered this wonderful trope like a week before we got the prompts, and then Soulmate AU was one of the tropes AmyDancepantsPeralta requested- and I realized the goose of enforcement was like the perfect soulmate AU for an in canon universe where Jake and Amy have been partners for years without getting together. Cause you know usually with Soulmate AUs they're the type that is pretty easy to tell when you first meet- colors, thoughts, names, writing, etc. (which I think is a little easier to work in to some fandoms, though b99 has some creative writers who have made it work for them)**

**A crazy ass goose that shows up whenever it feels like to lead you to your soulmate is the perfect indicator that you're meant to be with your partner that you've been secretly in love with for like, forever.**

**Technically, goose do not have teeth in the sense they do not have pointy bits in their mouth that can fall out and be traded for money or put on a necklace (if you are a human or a shark). But they do have serrated beaks and a serrated tongue, so I think you'll find Jake's description of "teeth and monster tongues" to be both descriptive and accurate**


End file.
